Me and the "ATTACK CHICKEN....a TRUE OXYMORON"

An oxymoron (plural oxymora (greek plural) or, more often, oxymorons) ("sharply dull" in Greek) is a figure of speech that combines normally contradictory terms. They appear in a range of contexts, from inadvertent errors such as extremely average, to deliberate puns like same difference, to literary oxymorons that have been carefully crafted to reveal a paradox.

Well you may say What now, vonda?  And I say that everday of my life.  I ask my self how, and why, and when and WHAT THE HECK? everyday because of the messes I get into.   Like a few days ago.... I being the animal lover that I am, will on a normal day, somehow, find at least two different animal situations that I am Called to intervene in.  Of course my husband does not agree.  As a matter of fact on more than one occasion he said "Vonda if you bring one more dog home, I'm leaving" at which I usually say ..... " I will miss you!".  He knows I love him, and he also knows that I can not, no matter how hard I try, pass up a dog that is about to be killed.  So let me get to my story.... a few days ago I was going down a "bad road", why do I call it a bad road? Because the last time I was on this road there were two little dogs that I tried to save, and it is on this same curve,well ....they did not make it.  So a few days ago I once again was on that "bad road" when  in the middle of the bad curve were two HUGE dogs. One Yellow Lab, and a Golden Retriever.  So my first reactions is.... quick get them out of the road.... so I pulled over and called them, and to my suprise, they came running and I opened my door and they jumped right in.  Just then a big truck came speeding through and I thought...just in the nick of time.  Then I got back in the car and thought..... now what?  Once again I have other things I need to be doing but my love of dogs has now redirected my path. So I assumed that it would not be to hard to find  their homes, so I first went to run my errands, then by the vet to see if they had a chip in them.  NOPE!  NO tags etc... so I started going door to door on the road where I found them.  I met lots of nice folks, and turned it in to a business adventure as well getting the opportunity to talk REAL ESTATE to many that I met along the way.  So I may get some business  off  of the adventure.  However, the last house I went to was the real adventure.... I pulled into this home that was back in the trees.... I thought I heard some banjo strumming as I got out of the car.  Anyway, I proceeded to go to the door when out of NO WHERE he appeared...... The Guard CHICKEN!  It startled me.  He started flapping and crowing, and scratching the ground, and well he was out to get me I could see it in his little CHICKEN eyes..... and of course no one was around.  I said shoo chicken! shoo! he just keep coming towards me.... I thought what do I do?  I looked around and looked for something to get him away from me. All I could find was a gallon plastic can/bottle of Antifreeze.  I thought well I will just bop him on the head and he will go away.  So here I am swinging a bottle of Antifreeze at an ATTACK CHICKEN?   Saying I know MR. KFC CHICKEN... get back!  Just then the door opened to the patio area and this lady who by the way looked sort of mean .... she just started staring at me.  I don't really blame her, I am on her property, I am holding her can of Antifreeze and waving it at her ATTACK CHICKEN... so I guess she had a right.  I started saying I know this looks like I am trying to steal your antifreeze, but I'm not.  I just am trying to protect myself from that CHICKEN.... still just stareing at me... I just set the antifreeze down and started talking ... hi, um, I found these two dogs out on the "bad road" and I was just going to all the houses to see if they knew where they may belong?.... I mean they are two beautiful dogs, and they are both males, and one is a Yellow Lab, and one a Golden Retreiver, and well they started fighting in the car and the Yellow Lab attacked the other one and his ear is bleeding and and and .... as I was saying all of this she never said a word, she just keep staring at me!  UNCONFORTABLE!!!!! I was begining to think she could not hear, but then she started to walk over to my vehicle and looked in the window, and then she opened the back,...... that was where I had the big Yellow Lab, and then she finally spoke...... "CHIEF, you big dummy!"  I thought are you kidding me?  Are these her dogs?  Well I said..... do you know this dog?  Is it yours?  She just paused and looked at me, not really wanting to admit anything.  Well this one is (the lab) but he has been gone for over a month, and I saw him this morning with that other dog, and then he was gone again!  I said, well he is your dog, right?  SO your going to take him, right?  Yes, I will, but I do not want him?  I have his papers, he is a very expensive dog, and was used to breed champions etc blah blah blah.  Then she said I do not know the other dog.... so I can not take him.  She told me what she would do with the other dog, but frankly I did not really like her advise or her, because of the situation, so I did not need her advise.  Her husband was a vet(retired) but a Vet! I ask her to have him come out and look at the ear of the Golden Retreiver that her dog had attacked, and make sure it was ok.  Of course he was like .... it is a hole, he will be fine.  (UGH) I get so mad at people like that! By the way anybody want a cool, huge YELLOW LAB? with Papers  Any way  I have the Golden Retriever at home with me, Inky, Roxie, and Jared... and George is coming home tonight!  I think I would rather face the CHICKEN!